How should I say this?

Jessica Lyn

This is nothing new. There is nothing new under the sun. I have just noticed this a lot lately...

There is such a lack of respect. Everywhere. I don't mean so much the "respect your elders" type of respect, but straight up common courtesy, sensitivity, and kindness. There are several situations lately that I have either witnessed or been a part of that have just boiled my blood. And this isn't a blog to harp on individuals at all, but rather a common thread of disrespect that has become acceptable.

Yes, its is irritating to be inconvenienced. However, that doesn't entitle anyone to be hurtful or cruel. What ever happened to tenderness?
And how about sensitivity... thinking before you speak. We have no idea why people act the way they do. No one can know the inner turmoil/joy/whatever that is going on in another person's heart. And if I did know the whole story, I bet I would have worded things differently.
I think disrespect is why I hate it when people interrupt, or talk on their cell phones in inappropriate places. Things like that are pretty much a big, "I really don't care about you, or what you have to say." We talked about "presence" a lot in nursing school; proper body language to let someone know that you are really concerned and they have your attention. What a precious gift... your attention. It's so respectful and honoring. I see so little of it given freely (and I am so guilty).
And then there is respect by honoring people's commitments... time, money, whatever. I think this is one of the hardest, and I think it is because it often requires sacrifice or compromise on my part.

I am totally guilty of flying off a short fuse from time to time (ok, really a lot more often than that... especially internally). And So this whole subject is irritating to me because I hate seeing it and because I do it.

I think it really all boils back down to love your neighbor. The kindness that overflows from a heart that is first loved by Him. I yearn for that in my own life, and to experience it from others. ...For He has set eternity in our hearts; we were not made for here.

Take time. slow it down. Let others experience Christ through your respect for them.

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Love God, Love People... It's All You Really Need

Jessica Lyn

I haven't blogged in an age...

Summer 09 has been absolutely amazing. I can't say enough about how much blessing God has poured into my life...

I have a great job focused entirely around helping people, and I feel like its exactly what I'm supposed to be doing.

On May 8th I went on a blind date... that lasted 6 1/2 hours. That has turned into me dating a godly, encouraging, wonderful guy whose love for coffee, England, and youth ministry is only outweighed by his love for the Lord. I am so proud to be his girlfriend. :)

I share a house with one of my friends & our two dogs,

I get to serve with the gifts God has given me on a regular basis,

And my community of friends that I love so so much is growing.

...God definitely knows how to give good things to those He loves.

So I'm a night nurse now. And it's true what they say... I am tired all the time, but not tired enough to actually sleep. Or I'm tired when I really need to be awake. Like right now.

I have a serious love/hate relationship with night shift. The work environment is great, but the patients are sleeping 75% of the time and I really don't feel like I'm making that much of a difference. Most notably at change of shift when the patients aren't really sad to see me go, cause they don't know me. Whatever. It's not about me though, and I think thats been a good reality check.

But then there's days when I get the opportunity to be a major part of someone's healing process. Those days are worth a thousand mundane nights.

For example, a few weeks ago I had my first patient death. It rocked me a lot more than I expected or realized at the time. I had a very big responsibility that day to save her death, not her life. I had gotten to know her over a couple days and she did not want to live. She was old, and very sick. It was a huge struggle to get a DNR/AND (do not resuscitate/allow natural death) order and she was going down hill quickly. Long story short, she passed just over an hour after I got the order. Way too close for my comfort. But for the last 30 minutes of her life, I sat with her, held her hand, and talked to her until she was gone. And she had nothing. She took nothing with her. (Duh) But it made me think about stuff. Looking at death happen right in front of you will do that to you I guess. But its a huge reminder of how temporary everything is. And again, the only thing she wanted in her last hours was people. She wanted someone with her.

Then, last night I had the opportunity to sit with a man for 45 minutes just so he didn't have to be alone. He was having two major procedures (brain and heart surgery) and he was so scared. He asked if I would just sit with him and hold his hand. I got to pray with him too. It's pretty incredible to sit with a grown man, well into his years, as tears are streaming down his face. He just kept saying "I just want to live a little longer." It kindof brings everything in life down to reality. We are just people who need love. The perfect love of Christ, and the imperfect although wonderful love of the people He has put in our lives.

In all this, I feel like such a bad steward of both money and time. Things/stuff/belongings are so meaningless. And we spend so much time working to get more things and it doesn't matter. We don't live anywhere near where the church originally was; selling our belongings just to give to each as he had need. Can you imagine?? Freely giving because you are so filled with the love of Christ that you can't help it? What must that be like?

And then there's stewardship of time... Nothing else matters on this earth more than loving other people. Jesus said it. The only thing greater is to love God. But the way I spend my time doesn't reflect that. I feel like so often we fill our lives to the point where we are too busy to build significant relationships. Or we don't ever let ourselves be vulnerable enough to develop them in the first place. That guy in the hospital loved the Lord, and he was so very vulnerable. I don't know that I could ever ask a stranger to sit with me because I was scared or lonely. And certainly not so I could open up my fears to them. It's hard enough to ask someone I'm close to for that. And why is that? It's frustrating. The guy at the hospital said He could see Christ in me. Probably cause it was all Him that allowed me to even do that, and really its easier when I can just say "its my job." Why can't I be like that all the time? I think thats the way we were intended to be with each other. Both vulnerable and available. Wouldn't that be nice...

It's all very simple, but its an impossible simple demand. Love God, and love others. Thank you Jesus for the cross... cause I am so incapable of all of this, but the Holy Spirit is alive and moving and capable.

I didn't really mean to ramble on about that for so long. But sometimes (most of the time) I process stuff better by writing it all out. Hopefully it'll make you think too.

Summer 2009... I feel like I've grown up. Ha, sounds stupid. I have a job now with responsibilities that are real. And middle schoolers now were born when I was in middle school... It's fun though, and exciting too. It's a pretty defined beginning of a new chapter. And I'm so glad for the way God has orchestrated my life cause the past two years have stripped me down to the point where I realized that I can't do anything on my own. And I wouldn't want to start my life as a real-live adult thinking I could. Anyways, I'm excited :)

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Honor

Jessica Lyn

I was sitting in the gym service at church Sunday morning, and I felt like the Holy Spirit gave me another Truth... I may have blogged this before, but I have been absolutely amazed at the pieces of Truth the Holy Spirit has lead me to over the past year. I get so impatient and frustrated that I can't have the whole Truth now, but how amazing is God that He knows I wouldn't be able to handle that in my earthly mindset? So anyways, we were praying in confession this morning and I began with the usual "Lord, please forgive me for..." and immediately, and out of nowhere, a question popped in my head, "Are you more concerned about yourself than honoring your Savior?" and it wasn't an oppressive guilt question. It was more of a peace... which is weird and kindof hard to explain but I thought about my motives for asking for forgiveness. Am I striving for God's glory or self righteousness? I don't feel like I intentionally aim for self righteousness, but I know I tend to focus more on being "good" than on honoring Christ. I'm sure that on the outside, it doesnt really look all that different. But Christ is not concerned about how I look on the outside. He is concerned with matters of the heart. And where is my heart? I pray that it's focused on honoring Christ rather than trying to clean myself enough to present to Christ. That's what the cross is for. So honor the cross and the One who died for you so you don't have to be good enough.

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Jessica Lyn Curry RN, BSN

Jessica Lyn

This is my first blog as a Registered Nurse. :)

I passed NCLEX (yay!) on April 8th. And thanks so my amazing Dad, I received my license within 24 hours (usually takes 3-4 weeks).

Let me just say that my dad is amazing. I know lots of people say that, but my dad deserves to have his name plastered on some huge, public thing that says "this guy is amazing!" Too bad I can't afford a billboard.... so I'll blog it. :)

In the middle of everything going on with my nursing boards (NCLEX), he lost his job. But he didn't take a moment away from fighting for me. He could have done a million other things, but he took his time to get in touch with the right people to get my test date asap. And on my test day he made me a huge breakfast, and when I left he sent out a mass text to let everyone know to start praying. Then he got on his knees for THREE HOURS to pray for me while I was taking the test. What's more, he didnt know how to pray for me specifically, so he got my NCLEX review book and prayed through it.

My dad is incredible.

So now I start work at Piedmont Hospital on Monday, April 20th. I am a real live nurse. Finally. :)

I'm taking advantage of my last week, relaxing as much as possible. Currently listening to Oren Lavie and blogging/journalling. While tax day doesn't really help, it has been a great week so far and I have a lot to look forward to: LOST, princess night, The Bricks, T-Mac, Becky's wedding, and Garrett's show.

much love

jlcRN ;)

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The God Of Israel Is Still God Today

Jessica Lyn

So lately I have been reading in the Old Testament, and I’ve seen for the first time the power of God consistently in the people of Israel. So I have been reminding myself that the God of Israel is still the same God today; the same power, the same provision, the same mercy, etc. HOWEVER that doesn’t mean that I actually live in that freedom.

This is one example of that awesome God…

If you happen to have read my last blog, you know the situation with my nursing boards. Basically, I have been waiting for a number from the government to schedule my exam. Monday was the 30^th business day since they posted my application for my Authorization to Test (ATT) number. They said it would take between 25 and 30 business days to complete. At 3:45pm on the 30^th business day, I still had not heard anything so I gave the Georgia State Board of Nursing (GBON) a call. When the woman on the phone looked up my file, she said everything had been completed on March 4^th, but they were still waiting on an official transcript from my school. (Side-note – I had called the GBON on the 6^th and they said I called too early…)

Now, just so you know, an official transcript as to be in a sealed envelope. I requested an official transcript in January and received a sealed envelope in return, and sent it off with my application. When the GBON opened that letter, it was my transcript request form with an “account on hold” stamp on it. Mercer never bothered to say, “Oh, by the way, you might want to open that sealed envelope because its contents are not what you expected/requested.” I asked the GBON how that affected the application process, and I was told it would take 7-10 business days to post the new transcript and then 10-15 business days to update my application. So we were looking at another 25 BUSINESS days until I could schedule my boards. This is after already waiting 40 BUSINESS days since I sent in the application (10 business to post my app and then 30 more business days of processing).

Needless to say, Monday was not a good day. My dad called several state representatives and the dean of my nursing school because there was really no way for me to know that I was supposed to open that letter to see that it was not my transcript.

Tuesday, I went to school to get another transcript and fax it to the GBON. The student that worked in the registrar’s office was rude, but the registrar herself was very kind and helpful. She said that she was very willing to fax and mail the GBON with my transcript, but there was still a hold on my account. I went to the office of student accounts and they said my balance was $0, but Student Affairs had put a hold on my account. SO I walked over to Student Affairs and talked to the Assistant Director. Apparently I ordered a nametag at the beginning of the fall semester & never picked it up. A $5 nametag. She apologized all over herself because she forgot to tell me she put my account on hold because she was so busy with graduation. You would think that when tuition is $20,000/year they could absorb a $5 expense.

SO that was the trouble of the beginning of this week….

THEN this morning I received a phone call at 9:15am from an unknown number. Normally, I would not have answered (or been awake), but I was and I did. It was a woman from the GBON saying that she had completed my application and I just needed to pay the testing center so she could authorize me to test. So I paid the testing center, and then called her back. She said I was authorized, and I needed to contact the testing center for my ATT. She gave me a phone number, but it was wrong. I found out how to contact them though, and made the call. At this point I really thought I was going to get my ATT. After answering some questions, the representative for the testing center said I could expect my number in 3-4 WEEKS!!! I couldn’t believe it, but at the same time, I could because of everything else that has happened. I asked if there was any way to get it sooner, and the man suggested I call back in 1-2 weeks.

So I was back where I started, although thankful that the GBON didn’t take 25 business days. I figured 3-4 weeks after 25 business days would have given me a massive coronary.

I was looking up NCLEX review courses online at this point and sent an email to one of the programs to get more information. I received an email very shortly after that, and assuming it was the review course information, I checked it. The subject line read: NCLEX Authorization to Test.

My heart jumped into my throat… or maybe it was my stomach…

I was very apprehensive, so I told myself it was probably just an email saying that they had received my application. When I opened it, sure enough, it was my ATT. I can’t even explain all the emotions running through my head at that point. All I could think was that I had just experienced a real miracle.

I immediately registered for NCLEX and I will be taking it April 8^th at 2:00pm; the earliest test date in Georgia. Then I started sending out the news via text. Bill Rogers called me back almost immediately and said that at Jhi staff prayer that morning they were praying for Bricks volunteers. When my name came up, Bill specifically prayed that I would receive my number. Their meeting was at 10am. I received my number at 10:04am.

Let me give you a timeline of events:

-9:15am: GBON phone call

-9:29am: Payment to Pearson Testing Center

-9:38am: Phone call to Pearson Testing Center

-10:04am: received ATT

-10:06am: registered for NCLEX

I was told I would receive my number in 3-4 weeks and I received it in 35 minutes. Two totally separate entities had to act in the absolute fastest way possible… and totally out of protocol.

The verse that I have been thinking about over and over through this is Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not fret or have anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. And God's peace shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." (amplified version)

If I had remembered that, and trusted God in all of this, I would have been saved from all the anxiety I have experienced. He knew what he was going to do all along. But this has really made me look at EVERYTHING in my life... Anything that I am uncertain about, worried about, etc... I don't need to be! All I need to do is tell God what I want, thank him for what I have, and REST in the TRUTH that He is going to take care of me. Romans 8:28 echos that.

His peace will MOUNT GUARD from lies and worry over my heart... THAT is AMAZING!!!

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UPDATE

Jessica Lyn

It's a rainy Saturday morning, and normally I would be working at the mall. Today I'm not. I am laying in bed in my PJs cuddling with Marley & my Mac catching up on my friends blogs. Then I realize that I have not blogged lately.

This is mostly due to the fact that I have a sick obesession with journalling so most of my thoughts are kept to myself (as they really should be). But here is an update on my life in 09 so far.

First of all, to update my NCLEX (nursing boards) situation... I applied for the boards in the middle of January due to some unforeseen bills I had to pay to my school. ($500 in fees, really?). The Secretary of State's office did not post my application until February 2nd. I didnt really think much of it because I assumed since I was applying later that the rush of applications would have subsided and my application process would be shortened.

Wrong.

It is now March 14th and after 2 months of waiting I still have no ATT. The ATT is an "authorization to test." It's a number that I need to sign up for my NCLEX. Thank you government for keeping my life in limbo. Trust me, I have flooded their office with phone calls to no avail. Word is I should have my number by the 16th, but this is also the third date that they promised me so I'm not holding my breath. Meanwhile, I think everyone else has taken and passed their boards.

In the meantime..... I have been working at Sunglass Hut in Phipps Plaza. It's a great job, and a absolutely love the people I work with. However, this economy has not been so great lately (really?) and so payroll has been cut and I'm not working there as often. My manager, Dasha has been awesome though and is giving me more hours than she probably should. Needless to say, part time retail doesnt really cut it so I have to find someone to move into my apartment (takers?).

On the brighter side...

I still lead worship at Perimeter Church. (LOVE it!) Right now the church is kindof low on worship leaders staff-wise so our team has been leading a lot of services in the Main. We are normally in the 1045 service in the gym. So I've been leading 3 services a weekend the past 2 weeks and we are scheduled for a few more. Its absolutely exhausting and absolutely wonderful. :) I love the team and the opportunity.

Music-wise I have tried to get a little bit more serious about the goals I have. I love music (who doesn't, really?) and I am surrounded by such rich resources. Aside from the fact that 98% of my friends are extremely talented in the arena, I can take voice lessons from Raab Stevenson who is Justin Timberlake's background vocalist & tour vocal coach (both the justified/stripped tour & futuresex/lovesounds). And then there is Derek, one of my mentors, who has played guitar with countless amazing people and has so much to teach. So yeah I decided I would be a fool not to take advantage of all of that. Right now, with no job, I can't afford the lessons, but I will be able to soon. So in the meantime I have been trying to (read:trying) write songs. It's really intimidating, especially asking for help, but I'm trying to just suck it up and do it. Realizing that I will suck in the beginning.

Outside of music and sunglasses, I don't do much. I've been hanging with the Junior High at Perimeter every Friday night, and I have my discipleship group. But yeah... just taking advantage of down time by grabbing coffee and such with old and new friends. It's hard to study when there is no test date, but I've been making some pretty solid attempts.

Basically on any given night you can find me at the local starbucks or taco mac :)

So for those of you who care.... thats been my life as of late. For those of you who didnt... ha youre a sucker for reading my mundanity (did I just make up that word?).

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Hope

Jessica Lyn

So I haven't blogged in a while... maybe its because I have been filling the pages of my journal at an abnormally fast rate....

Life has been a huge roller coaster lately... and not really the normal up and down kind. The roller coaster has remained in the quintessential plummet. Its something people like to call a "season of life" when they are trying to be reassuring. I've been saying that to myself a lot lately.

The only reason I'm publicly blogging about this is because I KNOW that I'm not the only one in this boat. I may have very different things going on, but I know for a fact that life is just not good right now for a lot of people.

I was driving home from work today and I was stopped at a red light. The people all around me looked so miserable in their cars, just sitting alone. And I know its not some ridiculously profound thing, but it made me think about how many people there really are, and how everyone has crap going on. I wondered if the people sitting around me had hope. It's so easy for me to get caught up in self pity and worry and all the anxiety that comes with that and forget the hope that I have. "Take heart, I have overcome the world..." It doesn't make everything go away, but its awesome to have hope. To know that the God of the universe remembers me, that he knows each one of my tears. Not a single thought or worry or sigh of mine goes by unnoticed.

What if I didn't know that? What if all I had was what this world has to offer. There are so many people like that. So many people that don't know Jesus. And other people that know him, but believe He is just a law-giver to be obeyed by doing the "right thing." And then He just becomes one more burden to be fulfilled. It's amazing to me that I so easily forget the hope I have in the love from Him. That even in death I have victory... and I'd say death is pretty much the worst situation.

Let's face it, we aren't starving kids in Africa, but the pain I feel is still very very real. And the stuff we are going through has very real implications on our lives. Randy Schlichting once said that everything is spiritual. I really believe that. Satan is highly intelligent. He attacks those he fears the most. He does so in a way that doesn't bring fame to his name, it makes you think it's all your fault. To keep you from the Truth because he fears you. He isn't looking for fame, he is looking to incapacitate the Kingdom of God. And I am telling you, I feel pretty incapacitated. But to know the Truth is to have freedom from all that... to have hope. It is a battle. There is a reason the Bible talks about the full ARMOR of God. And Truth is right there in the middle, holding up your pants.

I was not made for here. That has become very clear to me. And I struggle with being inviting when I really don't even want to wake up in the morning. I'm human. I'm not saying that the pain shouldn't hurt and you should skip around all day long like some fake-o. But I am saying there is hope, and that.... that brings real joy. This world is not a friendly place. "Take heart, I have overcome the world..."

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